• Straight to Video
• Director: John Poague
• Written by: David Zagorski
• Running Time: 94 minutes
• Language: English
• MPAA Rating: R - Restricted
• Cast: Ron Jeremy, Justin Alvarez, Anna Bridgforth, Kelly Sue Roth, Bradford Sikes, Bryan Donoghue, J. Matthew Miller, Michael T. Schneider, Danny Darder, Gabrielle Dennis, James Boring, Chris Darder, Gregg Peacher, Kimberley Johnson, Martha McBride, Ryan Foster, Emily Stillions, Elizabeth Riggs, Taylor Fulton, Raakay Bari, Noah Bevins, W. Kenneth Briley, Lena Bushrod, Rachel Copen, Michael Fisher, Garrett Fulton, Nancy Geler, Michelle Gil-Montero, Josh Disco Hamm, Kate A. Harris, Jerry Heavener, Elise F. Henry, Tom Hext, Eric James, Guy Jones, Stas Jones, Tony Keser, Jon Lang, Tony Martini, Jeffrey M. McCleary, Robert McNeil, Katie H. Murphy, Carol Orsini, Amy Poague, Brian Poague, Kenny Poague, John Puckett, Laura Sappingfield, Jason Semales, Pete Smith, Mike Tarr, David R. Wax, Brian Alley, Kristian Hickman

If one was to take Tobe Hooper’s “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” and dump it into a blender with George Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” and Charles Philip Moore’s “Demon Wind”, I have a feeling that resulting mulch would look a bit like “The Wickeds”, a film that that tosses anything and everything at the screen in hopes that something will stick. Demonic possession, occultists, vampires, zombies, grave robbers, ghostly apparitions and even a haunted house; all these elements find their way into the film’s scant 94 minute runtime.

Following a small role in cult-legend John Waters’ “Serial Mom” in 1994, Virginia born John Poague began to set his sights on directing and producing; a goal that partially came to fruition in 1998 when he worked as an associate producer on “The Legend of Cryin' Ryan”. It wasn’t until 2003 however, that Poague would finally sit in a director’s chair, with his “In the Name of Justice”, a film that he also wrote and acted in. Sadly, “Justice”, although receiving fair distribution, would go mostly unnoticed by fans and critics alike. It was another three years before Poague would jump back into the ring as a filmmaker. As it turns out, the film he produced, ”The Wickeds”, would go onto become his piece de resistance. Some might suggest that “Bigfoot at Holler Creek Canyon”, his follow-up to “The Wickeds”, one year later, was his finest work to date, but considering the fact that very few folks have actually seen it, the by-product of poor distribution, it’s hard to tell.

"The Wickeds” begins with a premise we’ve seen so often that it’s practically cliché, as a group of seven young people drive out to a deserted house located conveniently: in the middle of nowhere; in the rural deep woods; next to a spooky looking graveyard. Even though the house is currently being used as set for an independent horror film, the kids decide that it would be just the bees knees to go up there on Halloween night and see what comes of it. Oh, and did I mention that the house is apparently teeming with ghosts? Nope. Yeah, well, there’s a few ghosts hanging about… watching? At the same time, across the field down at that old cemetery I mentioned, a pair of goofy grave robbers Gus (Ron Jeremy) and Billy (Bryan Donoghue), are digging up a stiff, looking for some magical amulet that Gus has read about. After prying open the casket, they find themselves stunned at just how pristine a condition the ancient corpse appears to be in… oh, oh… and then it attacks! Huh? Yeah, the old coot (Teufel, according to the head stone) resting in the crib is actually a centuries old vampire, who quickly gets to chomping. Poor Billy is on the receiving end of Teufel’s toothy gift. Ouch! Terrified, Billy is able to tear the amulet from around Teufel’s neck, appeasing the less than sympathetic Gus, while also managing to fend off the unwanted advances of the nasty pale-faced ghoul. While all this is going on, Gus and Billy suddenly find themselves surrounded by hordes of the undead, who are emerging out of their graves en masse. They make a break for, no, not their truck, located just outside the cemetery, but for that old ramshackle house visible just through the forest. Yup, this is that movie!

Back at the house, one of the couples is getting busy in one of the upstairs rooms, while the rest of the twenty-something’s are pulling scare pranks on each other over and over and over again. Gearing up for prank number nineteen, things suddenly turn bizarre as Gus and Billy arrive on their doorstep in a huff. They desperately want inside, but the kids just aren’t interested in what they are selling. So, of course, the two practised grave robbers decide to put their skills to good use by breaking in. Once inside, they quickly catch the kiddies up on what exactly is happening down at the old cemetery. At least one of the twenty-something’s suspects that it is all part of some elaborate prank and elects to head out onto the porch for a better look at the flock of zombies amassing around the house. He might as well be wearing a red shirt with Star Fleet Academy symbol on it if you know what I mean. Needless to say, curious kid is the first to fall victim to the decaying goon squad. Following the slaughter, the kids quickly shift into reactionary mode, locking the place down, boarding up the windows and gathering any object they can find that can be used as a weapon. They also make plans to escape, however, it’s sporadic, in between plenty of tense Jerry Springer-like screaming sessions – some of which that make little to no sense, you know, sorta like The Springer Show itself. Sorry folks, but put me in a house surrounded by flesh-eating dead people and the last thing on my mind is going to be who beat me in that game of chicken I played earlier that morning. It’s a long night (Halloween night, remember), and while Billy lays dying from that nasty bite on his arm, the group is forced to defend themselves from the living dead, a pesky vampire, demonic possession, ghosts, ghosts, ghosts and, yes, each other’s flying insults. A trio of brave youngsters attempt to make a mad dash for Gus and Billy’s truck, tucked just behind the cemetery, but it’s a failed attempt which concludes with their numbers dwindling by two. After Billy bites the dust, a forlorn Gus comes clean to the survivors in the house about the amulet, and the reality of the zombies and just who Teufel really is (apparently he’s a Jim Jones-like cult leader and the zombies are his followers, or something?). The stolen amulet has resulted in the dead rising from the grave to exact vengeance upon those they deem ‘the wicked’.

For David Zagorski (2009’s “Road Kill”), having his first screenplay, “The Wickeds”, not only produced but also receive a first-class distribution deal (at least for an indie film), has got to feel like a major accomplishment. As a re-imagining of “Night of the Living Dead” it is not that bad, but as other’s have pointed out, the film seems to lack acceleration, even though a litany of gothic horror elements are consistently being thrust upon the narrative. Ghosts, vampires, grave robbers, zombies, haunted houses – such rudiments might bulk up a film’s running time, but after awhile, unless done right, they can detract from a story and our involvement therein. The notion of two grave robbers shacking up with a group of teens in an old haunted house while fending off hordes of zombies, might have been an interesting premise on paper, but here, with the inclusion of vampires and such, things quickly become muddled and lose their way. By the end of the film, comprehending events will be the order of the day, something that doesn’t bode well when you’re supposed to be connecting (and rooting for) the central protagonists. Here, you’ll be trying to figure out what they hell they are doing and why they are doing it.

I won’t say that I didn’t like “The Wickeds” because I really did. Similar to David DeFino’s “Devil’s Moon” (another film with that ‘throw everything at the screen to see what sticks’ mentality -- that I’ve grown to truly appreciate since my initial screening), I enjoyed some of the horror ingredients here, even when they didn’t do much to keep the flick moving along. Sorry, but give me decaying lumbering zombies and, as a movie geek, I’m in my glory. Also, I thought the chemistry between porn-legend Ron Jeremy (2009’s “Crank: High Voltage”) and Bryan Donoghue (2006’s “The Invincible”), together doing some of the film’s best acting, was quite good. As if dabbing a touch of humanity into the chaos, there is a sense that these two guys, Gus and Billy, really did care for each other. Forget the fact that they are callus grave robbers, earning a living from digging up the dead and stealing the expensive jewellery they were buried with. They remain, somehow, still likable. The rest of the cast Justin Alvarez (2003’s “Silver Scream” – a film he also produced), Anna Bridgforth (2008’s “The Shrieking”), Kelly Sue Roth (2004’s “The Inn”), Bradford Sikes, Danny Darder (2006’s “Bigfoot at Holler Creek Canyon”) and J. Matthew Miller (2009’s “Sorority Row”) are young, attractive and sadly indistinguishable from each other. Not a lot of time is spent developing their characters beyond the old ‘he’s a jokester, he’s a stud, she’s a nervous wreck etc.’ alas, we never really feel all that much when they bite the dust. On the other hand, Gus and Billy, who are given a neat back-story for which to build off of, I can say, when they croaked, I actually felt bad for them. This is probably the first (and only) film that makes grave robbers into sympathetic protagonists.

"The Wickeds” is a film that has a little bit of everything for horror film geeks, and a whole lot of nothing for folks interested in a simple good movie. Although, I’m hunching that if you find yourself lining up a screening of “The Wickeds” you probably aren’t looking for greatness.