• Straight to Video
• Director: Josh Maldonado
• Written by: Josh Maldonado
• Running Time: 60 minutes
• Language: English
• MPAA Rating: UNRATED
• Cast: Jasi Cotton Lanier , Lynn Marz , Jody Chevalier , Telsa , Nikki C , Paul Rickard , Peggy Porter , Sean Wheeler , Emily Earnhart , Ferrah James

“Creepy Clips” is a strange little anthology piece that is, apparently, according to the box cover blurb, the first of a trilogy of anthologies. Well, clearly if the filmmakers intend to keep going on this cinematic weave, I'm hoping they can get their shit together and actually devise a plot for the various stories they are presenting in these anthology movies of theirs. Sorry, but two 25 minute segments hinging on 10 full minutes of naked girls dancing and gyrating on each other, does not a story make. And ultimately, this is what it comes down to.

There are two stories here; each commences with an interesting opening bit, and then quickly devolves into a ludicrous strip show, which is abruptly interrupted with a violent jolt ending. That’s it. Granted, the second story is better than the first, but that’s only because Troma regular and all around Fucking Goddess, Jasi Cotton Lanier (calling herself Roxanne Michaels), appears in a small but significant role. It’s interesting to note that Jasi Cotton Lanier receives a make-up artist credit, something that articulates better than anything else just how impoverished this production was. Let’s put this into perspective folks, Jasi Cotton Lanier has appeared in nearly 30 films since 1995, including such cult classics as “Terror Firmer”, “Nikos: Violent Shit 4“, ”Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV”, “Strange Things Happen at Sundown” and “Weregrrl”, so it’s quite unbelievable, at least to me, that she’d be thrown on make-up duty. C’mon Josh Maldonado, you can do better than that.

The debut story is called, simply “Nancy” and it’s about a girl named, you guessed it, Nancy. Kinda short and sweet, huh? Wait until you hear the plot. Dividing her time between her evening drama class and her job at a video store has left Nancy (“Slavez of Horror Land” star Lynn Marz) a none too pleasant person. Nancy is the typically apathetic, Gen-Y, goth chick we all know and love. Always quick with a sneer and a snide remark, dog collar-necklaced Nancy seems happiest when verbally mowing down those customers delusional enough to expect small talk. Things suddenly take an interesting turn for Nancy when a classmate in her evening theatre acting class stumbles into the store one evening with a late video rental. Nancy sluggishly agrees to let the bill go; however the classmate, Kelly ("Atrocity Circle" star Telsa), one of those social butterfly trust fund kids we all hate, has other things on her mind, namely paying Nancy to coach her in acting. Apparently she’s tired of blowing the teacher and wants to get the part in the upcoming Romeo and Juliet play based on her talent, not her technique. Nancy takes Kelly’s bait. She agrees to the tutoring gig and quickly selects a meeting date for 7:00 o’clock the next evening. While audiences might question the snobby Kelly’s motivations for wanting to hang out with the social misfit Nancy, figuring out Nancy’s motivations isn’t as difficult, especially when you see how long Nancy’s eyes linger on Kelly’s booty as she leaves the store. Oh yeah! Seriously, oh yeah! The next night, Kelly arrives at Nancy’s apartment promptly and asks if she can shower up. Nancy advises her to change into some sexy black lingerie, you know, to help her better get into character. Afterwards, Nancy has Kelly recite lines from Dracula which throws off Kelly, who wonders, “Shouldn’t we study Romeo and Juliet?” Nancy brushes off the question, and with that, we segue into a looonggg ten minute sequence where the two girls, for no apparent reason, begin to undress and snuggle. I can’t really say they have sex because they don’t. Heck, they barely even kiss, it’s just lots and lots of heavy petting and snuggling all fit to a heavy pounding soundtrack by a Nine Inch Nails-sounding band called HellSpawn Pilot. I won’t lie to you, the music rocked! However, guys looking for a hardcore lady on lady sex fix will be stunned into silence, and will probably end up using that handy Kleenex to wipe their tears of sadness. Not wanting to give anything away, the ending involves fangs and bloody necks and, well, not much else. An explanation for the whole thing? Well, nope.

The second story is “Out of the Dark” and it’s the one with Jasi Cotton Lanier, so, yeah, it’ll be at least watchable. Ever since her little sis moved in last month, things have gone to hell in a hand basket, or at least that’s what Carrie Gray (Jasi Cotton Lanier) relates to an Art Bell-like radio host (Jody Chevalier) during a quirky opening segment. The facts of her story play out in quick flashbacks. In one of those flashbacks we discover that little sis, Kyra, has a thing for black masses and Ouija boards and before long, she’s dredged up all kinds of demons from hell. Kyra is Lynn Marz, in a dual role... I think? The Kyra character isn't credited, and she looks a heck of a lot like the director's real-life girlfriend Lynn, so I'll just assume that Kyra is played by Lynn. Does that work for you? Works for me. Anyways, getting back to the story, little sis has raised a bunch of creepy looking demons, and they apparently have a thing for big sis Carrie, as would anybody. Although terrified at first, Carrie is a smart cookie who quickly grasps the concept that demons don’t like light. So, resurrecting her inner child, she keeps the lights on day and night, in an effort to ward off any boogiemen that might be hiding in the closet. She also calls in psychics, including a fake one (Ferrah James) who meets her maker in Carrie’s cramped bathroom while chatting on a cell phone. Before the end of this slice of tedium, there is a second agonizingly long sequence where Lynn Marz and a ghost Nikki C (2005's "Goth Girl), strip and snuggle and strip and snuggle. Dear God! While the first time, it was merely gruelling, this time it’s unbearable. Eventually we get back to the main story as a last call comes into the radio show. It’s Kyra (again, I think?), who reminds her sister of the thunderstorm raging just outside her window and; “What if the lights go out?” Boo! Weird.

Ohio filmmaker Josh Maldonado has written and directed nearly a dozen films since 2004, and from time to time he has proven himself a capable and competent filmmaker, however, this time around that skill is not on display. The two anthology pieces never really work, the consequence of not wanting to develop an interesting story or characters. Sorry, I keep going on about this but two ten minute segments featuring women dancing about naked, becomes kind of boring, especially after twenty total frickin' minutes of it. Maldonado could have better used that time developing characters or a story, but I suspect that he didn’t have much on the page minus a one or two line premise. Judging from the film’s tagline: “50% Erotic, 50% Horror, and 100% Hot,” it’s pretty obvious where Maldonado’s loyalties lie as a filmmaker. Story loses. Thankfully, he had the good sense to cast 100% hot Jasi Cotton Lanier. Yeah, she’s a ticky, physical actress who couldn’t improvise to save her life, but she’s so yummy that you all but forget about it. I know that I did. Like a chaser to a bitter tasting drink, Lanier works quite well.

“Creepy Clips” (not to be confused with "Creepy Tales: Girl's Night Out") was released in 2004 and was picked up for distribution by Mill Creek Entertainment’s indie division, Pendulum Pictures. Two sequels were released “Creepy Clips Vault 2” in 2005 and “Creepy Clips Vault 3” in 2006, but they have yet to get major distribution. You're not likely to find this film at your local video store, but if you do, remember to be nice to the clerk. Who knows, she could be a vampire... or something.